Anwar al-Awalki- And another cockbag bites the dust

cockbag

Early this morning, news sources reported than Muslim radical, Anwar al-Awalki, had been killed by a US drone strike in Yemen.  Two predator drones fired hellfire missiles at a vehicle that al-Awalki was a passenger in.  So for his role in making the security lines at the airport ungodly ridiculous, Mr. Anwar al-Alaki, is the winner of this week's Cockbag of the week.


Before the CIA turned him into a fine pink mist, Al- Awalki was born in New Mexico in 1971, to a well educated family of Yemen descent.  When he was seven, his family returned to Yemen, where he spent the rest of his childhood years.  The US would would not see him again until 1991, when he returned to Colorado for a college education.  (I'm guessing the University of Yemen is not a highly regarded school)  During his college years, he spent his summers training with the Afghan Mujahideen.  June through August he was a terrorist trainee, then it was back to the states for tailgates and beer bongs.  In 1994, he married his cousin, and became an Imam at a local mosque where he preached against sin, then, in 1996 and 1997 he was arrested twice for soliciting prostitution.   I'm no expert, but I don't think the Koran condones buying hookers.  He quickly became a prominent spiritual leader for suicide bombers everywhere, including many of the 9/11 attackers.

Bet he had one hell of a friend list

He soon secured a job at at a local charity, that was ran by Al-Qaeda leaders.  They quickly saw his potential for being brainwashed, and his romance with jihad reached a whole new level.  He was rapidly becoming a big target for the FBI, coupled with several immigration issues, al-Awalki moved to England, where he was soon up to his old tricks, preaching hate and violence everywhere he went.

Finally, in 2004, he decided to give up all of his modern luxuries, like power and running water, to return to his ancestral village in Yemen with his cousin, I mean wife.  After a 18 month bid in a Yemen prison for a little kidnapping,  he was released to become one of Al-Qaeda's biggest recruiters and motivators.  He has been implicated in many attempted terror attack attempts.  He used Western evils such as Youtube and Facebook to recruit.  He has often been dubbed "the Bin-Laden of the Internet".  In 2009 he was promoted "regional commander" within al-Qaeda, where he used his power to convince his fellow Muslims to commit jihad against the US.  This is where he really screwed up.  In April of 2010, our President approved the first targeted killing of a US citizen in history, which is when his fate was sealed.  He ran to hide in his cave, but it would only be a matter of time.

He was a spiritual guide to some, but a traitor, a coward, and hypocrite to most. Now he's only good for fertilizer. So congrats to Mr. al-Awlaki for winning this week's Cockbag of the week.

-zac

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Floyd Mayweather Jr.: "Pretty Boy," "Money," "Cockbag."

Million Dollar Baby

Add another moniker to one of the world's best boxer's name: Floyd "Cockbag" Mayweather.

There are two reasons for the name change, and the first stems from last Saturday's bout with Victor Ortiz. Mayweather ended up taking Ortiz' WBC welter weight belt in that match, but that's hardly what made the headlines.

Nearing the end of the fourth round, the fight that had been scored two rounds to one in favor of Mayweather on unofficial scorecards, Ortiz resorted to underhanded tactics and tried for a lunging headbutt on Mayweather. There's no doubt this is dirty boxing, and maybe Ortiz deserves cockback status of his own. But hear me out.

The referee, Joe Cortez, then stopped action to take a point deduction of Ortiz. During this time, Ortiz tried apologizing and appears to try to kiss Mayweather on the cheek. Mayweather would have nothing of it and I don't blame him. This is boxing, not a kissing contest.

Larry Mechant's kid??

But here's where things really turn south. Usually, after deducting a point the ref will address the score table and then ask the fighters to touch gloves and resume, keeping his full attention on the fighters. What appeared to happen Saturday night was that Cortez resumed the fight, and then, almost as if he forgot to tell the score table something, he turned away from the fighters to say something.

That gave Mayweahter a sneaky opening. He landed two undefended shots: one that seemed to be more testing the waters and the next meant for knockout. And that's what he got. There was enough confusion that many spectators didn't know the fight was back on. Ortiz certainly didn't.

Mayweather is right when he says that the first rule of boxing is to protect yourself at all times. Even if you don't follow boxing but have seen "Million Dollar Baby" you would know this.

But given Ortiz's actions earlier - the lunging headbutt, the attempted kiss - many would say it's justified. OK, let's assume it is and one cockbag behavior cancels out the other, what's to be made of what happened next?

In the post fight interview, 80-year-old boxing commentator Larry Merchant began to ask Mayweather about the controversial punch. To which Mayweather responded, "You never give me a fair shake. HBO needs to fire you. You don't know shit about boxing. You ain't shit"

The 80-year-old Merchant replied, "I wish I was 50 years younger and I'd kick your ass." Merchant responded.

 

Highly entertaining, to be sure. But this is the first lesson Mayweather never learned. Being champ has as much to do with your behavior out of the ring as in it. And his behavior was deplorable.

El Cockbag

The second reason is the one all boxing fans could probably see coming.

No one can stand toe to toe with Floyd Mayweather Jr., except for one man: Manny "Pac-Man" Pacquiao. And no one can stand toe to toe against Manny Pacquiao, except for Floyd Mayweather. They are both referred to as the pound-for-pound best fighters in the world. Yet for more than two years, they have pussy-footed around the possibility of fighting each other. They have reasons. Oh, they have reasons. But none of those reasons outweigh the potential this fight has for their legacies and for boxing. I'm not one of those "you owe it to the fans" fans. They don't owe us shit. But if they want their legacies cemented in stone, it's the fight they have to make happen. And now, not when they are geriatric. The winner of that fight would be heralded in the history of boxing, up there with names that will never be forgotten: Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Leonard, Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano and on and on.

But this is why Mayweather is a cockbag. He has become so enamored with the idea of his own legacy that he took a cheap shot against a much, much lesser opponent in order to protect it. He's also found ways to make sure he doesn't take a fight with the only person that can beat him. Mayweather's 42-0 perfect record is impressive, but being perfect isn't what made Ali "The Greatest." Ali lost plenty of times. Being the greatest means taking the fight that you may lose. It's questionable whether Mayweather has the balls to stand in the ring with Pacquiao. If he did, that fight would be in the works right now. But it's not..

-Wes

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In sickness and in health ... except for Alzheimer's

"Pat Roberston, this is God. Please stop speaking in my name. You're a 'cockbag.' "

cockbag

Robertson, the ex-Baptist minister-turned TV evangelist best known these days as the face of "The 700 Club," has spouted off some real doozies in the past.


Among the more notable quotes from Robertson is when he said the earthquake that killed an estimated 316,000 in Haiti happened because, according to him,"Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil." Nevermind the fact that the religious makeup of Haiti is as follows: Roman Catholic 80%, Protestant 16% (Baptist 10%, Pentecostal 4%, Adventist 1%, other 1%), none 1%, other 3%. That is 96 percent Christian for those mathletes out there. Still, 50 percent of the population cling to some part of their voodoo past, and that is where he gets the fuel for his argument. But what about the 46 percent of Hatian Christians who don't practice Voodoo at all? Apparently those are just casualties of God's war. As for the percentage of Christians in the U.S.? That figure is closer to 76 percent give or take a point or two. But, 50 percent of those pray also to "American Idol." (I just made that up.)

Other assertions made by Robertson: Hurricane Katrina was God's way of letting liberals know that that questioning then-Supreme Court nominee John Roberts about his stance on abortion is off limits. He also called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez (which I don't really mind so much, but we're talking about a religious leader here). And he mentioned something about nuking our own state department.

But his comments on "The 700 Club" Tuesday take the cake. On the show, he told his audience that it's OK to divorce your wife if she has Alztheimers, because Alztheimers is "a kind of death."

Really, Pat? Really?

“I know it sounds cruel,” he continued, “but if [the husband of a wife suffering from Alzheimer's] is going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her because she is essentially already dead.”

Alztheimers is terrible, and the choices that have to be made by family members dealing with this terrible disease must be beyond comprehension. I wouldn't judge anyone in that situation. But we're talking about a religious leader who continually judges others of the world, who made his career bashing others with a baseball bat marked "sanctity of marriage."

In the past he said "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period."

And as for gays getting married: That will lead to the raping of angels. I am not making this stuff up.

But how "sact" is marriage when a spouse can be thrown away for being sick?

Imagine Robertson's revised version of Nicholas Sparks' "The Notebook." Ryan Gosling falls in love on screen with the beautiful Rachel McAdams. He kisses her in the rain "It wasn't over. It's still not over" The audience cries; wives cling tight to their hubbies. But, then the silver screen couple gets old, she gets sick. Now Ryan is free to go pick up all the retirement home trim his heart pills will cover him for.

I'm not sure that's an ending anyone would want to see, but for Robertson it's "understandable."

And for that reason, Mr. Robertson, I think even God would agree that you should be this installment's "Cockbag of the Week."

-Wes

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Cockbag of the week #1 Bin Laden and his band of cowards

I bet that you can tell me exactly where you were on the morning of Sept. 11th, 2001.  I was enlisted in the Marine Corps, and we were in Twenty Nine Palms, Calif, doing a demolitions excercise.  Within hours of hearing what had happened, we were mobilized, and we were going to kick someone's ass.  Not sure who, but someone was definitely going to get their ass kicked.  At that particular time, we were called off, but those memories are forever etched in my head, as i'm sure yours are.  It turned out to be one of the worst days that any of us will ever experience as Americans.

So for their supreme cowardice and unyeilding stupidity, our inaugural Cockbag of the Week is none other than Osama Bin Laden.

cockbag

Bin Laden was born into wealth in Saudi Arabia in 1957.  Nothing was beyond his wealth.  He could have had all the caves and camels that his heart desired, but instead he decided to use his riches to wreak havoc on the rest of the world.  Commanding Al-Qaeda, Bin Laden and his band of clowns are responsible for the loss of thousands of innocent lives all around the world.  He honestly believed that his god wanted him to kill everyone that did not share his beliefs ... jackass. 

On that Sunday night this past May, when the president  went on television and shared with the world that Bin Laden had been dispatched, the world breathed a sigh of relief.  He caught two bullets in the face, and was then dumped in the ocean.  So their prince of jihad was reduced to a pile of shark excrement at the bottom of the sea.  I'm not sure how his 72 virgins are going to feel about the gaping holes in his face, so i'm pretty sure that he will have no virgins, and he will spend the rest of eternity getting gang raped by a band of well endowed demons.  At least he helped to feed the fish.  So R.I.P. Bin Laden (rest in pieces), you cockbag.

Check us out next Friday for our next installment of Cockbag of the Week.

Thanks for reading,

Zac

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"Labor" day

It's somewhat ironic that we celebrate Labor Day by taking a day off.  Don't get me wrong, any day away from the normal grind of everyday life is welcomed, so I am not complaining. 

This past week, we went to Washington DC and Virginia Beach and set up a booth at the Rockstar Uproar Festival.  It was truly a blast, we met some pretty amazing people and got to sell some shirts at the same time, an all around success.  Not to mention that we got to hear some amazing music while we were "working".  I use the term working very loosely. 

Zac and Zakk

We met a new friend, Dave, who runs a company called Heathen Productions.  He has been making his clothes and touring for a long time.  I was extremely suprised at how eager he was to offer advice to us,  I've found that most of these people at these festivals are very secretive about their methods.  I would like to say thanks to Dave and wish him luck on the rest of the tour.  If you like shirts that you can't wear to church, you should go check him  out on facebook or at www.heathenproductions.com.  We also got to meet alot of the bands.  Gabe and Zakk from Black Tide came over and talked to us for a while.  It's hard to believe these guys are so young.  Their music is great, you should go listen to it.  They will never come within 500 miles of me and not have me at their show.  I gotta watch my wife around them, she has a crush.

Gabe and Etsuko

This coming weekend we have the first of six shows we have scheduled in the downtown Raleigh Ampitheatre.  These shows are part of The Bud Light City Fest and will feature well known bands, but tickets are only five Bucks.  Sept 10th and 17th, and all four Saturdays in October, we will be set up there,  Most of my friends  have no excuse for not coming and seeing at least one of these. You can find more info at www.budlightcityfest.com.


Thank you for taking the time to come here and read this garbage, and if you are in the area, please come drink a beer with me in Raleigh.
Later guys ,
Zac