Cockbag of the Week: What a bunch of monkey crotches

Cockbag central

Can it be, you say? Can a country itself become a cockbag?

Absolutely. Because if it were up to Pakistan, this thing we call "Cockbag of the Week" would cease to exist.

You see, Pakistan just released a list of words that it considers banned.

I'm not sure if cockbag makes an appearance, but I can't imagine it would pass freely through the Pakistani filter.

But, can you really ban a word out of existence? Of course not, but that's not stopping the Pakistani government from trying.

What they can do is make sure these words do not show up in text messages and other forms of communication popular with today's youth.

Some of these words they deem as obsene: Jesus Christ (really?), devil, flatulence, period, harder, queer, intercourse, athletes foot, condom, monkey crotch, and Wu Tang. for a full list click here



The Hip Hop scene in Islamabad will never be the same

Wait, Wu Tang? Yes, Wu Tang. So if cash rules everything around you, you may be shit out of luck.

If only Pakistan had a clause in their own constitution that protected speech. Wait ... they do?

Yup, Article 14 of the Pakistan Constitution states "every citizen shall have the right to freedom of speech and expression. ... subject to any reasonable restrictions imposed by law in the interest of the glory of Islam."

Oh, and words can't infringe on the "integrity," "decency" or "morality" of Pakistan. You mean the same Pakistan that may or may not have harbored Osama bin Laden for a few years? Yeah, we don't want to tarnish that good name of yours.

Pakistani Primates can no longer make dick jokes

So, yes and no it seems.

In Pakistan's case, you have this unalienable right, solid as stone, unflinching, unbreakable ... except when it's inconvenient.

That's not how it works, Pakistan.

This isn't the first time that this so-called freedom has been chipped away. In May 2010, Pakistan placed similar restrictions on Facebook and other corners of the Internet.

Let me level with you, Pakistan. The more you "ban" words, the more kids are going to want use them. The more you oppress people, the more they will revolt.

So, I will continue to exercise this wonderful thing we call free speech, and just because I may not like some of the disgusting words I hear every day ... like Santorum ... that doesn't mean that I want them banned. I think some old fart said something like that at some point.

In closing, Pakistan, I have one more thing to say to you: monkey crotch.

-Wes

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Herman Cain: Cockbag supreme with extra mushrooms

 

If you've been following the news, you've no doubt heard of Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 tax plan proposal.

 cockbag

There's a lot to like about Cain. He's a self-made man, who came from dirt-poor beginnings to become CEO of Godfather's Pizza. It's a true rags-to-riches story.

He's also pretty funny at times. Sometimes it's not clear if he means to be, though. At a speech in August he ended by saying, "A poet once said, 'life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it's never easy when there's so much on the line." Problem is that line didn't come from a poet, or Donna Summers as some suggested. It was from "Pokemon," the popular, annoying cartoon that makes kids spend all their parents money.

But what he's getting most attention for these days, is his 9-9-9 plan to reset the tax code.

OK, resetting tax code is a great idea. Resetting it to benefit mostly your rich friends: Not so cool, Herman.

Slingin' pepperoni and running countries

Here's how it would work.

Cain’s 9-9-9 plan eliminates the existing tax code and replaces it with a 9% tax on personal income, a 9% business tax, and a 9% national sales tax. Under his plan there is no estate tax, no payroll tax, no tax on capital gains, no death tax, and no deductions, except for charitable contributions.

So what does that mean? Well, everyone is equal, right?

 

No, look at that last line. Who does that benefit the most? It's probably not you.

 

Analysis after analysis has shown that the 9-9-9 plan will do more to alleviate tax burden on the rich than on the poor. It will be better for large corporations while shunning small business. One of the big reasons why? Corporations, whether they are people or not, don't buy groceries, they don't buy gas, they don't buy clothes for little Billy and Suzie going back to school. People do. You do. Not corporations. And the poorest person has to buy just as much gas, probably more, as Joe Wall Street. A larger proportion of what poorer people make will end up back in the government's pockets because we all have to buy these goods. So even right down to individuals, the balance is way off.

On Friday, Cain while speaking to a crowd in Detroit, suggested a couple of changes to his 9-9-9 plan, one that would give businesses operating in "opportunity zones" breaks and exemptions for people living below the poverty line. But you can't just pander to a a crowd in Detroit one day and tell the rest of the world something else two days before. Is he going to go to Iowa next and tell people about the great corn-growing exemption?

Taxes will go up, but pizza will be tax deductable

What no one is saying, though, is that this plan is a job killer.

Cain has pointed out that used items will not be taxed. So, I ask, why buy new?

Why are American businesses going to hire new people, to make new products that people aren't buying because the taxes are so much higher when they can go get something similar on eBay.

 

 * If Cain gains the GOP nod for president, by the way, I am buying stock in eBay. And I'm not kidding. I looked it up, only $32 share right now. Maybe I can become a rich person and rant about myself one day. I suggest you do the same.

 The fact is, Cain knows his plan benefits the rich and shuns the poor, and he's still pushing it, just showing that as president he'll do anything he can to retain his share of the financial pizza pie, all the while handing you a big slice that says "FU!"

-Wes

www.mangledmind.com

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