Phoenix Jones and the Rain City Superzero Movement

Role Models?  I hope not

We have all seen them, and come to love them.  I'm talking about superhero movies.  There is nothing like watching the X-men thwart an evildoers scheme to destroy the human race, or seeing Superman save the planet on the silver screen.  No matter how amazing these movies get, it inspires hordes of impressionable kids to somehow believe they can fight crime.  For this week's Cockbag of the Week,  we have chose a group of these "real life superheroes" based out of Seattle, The Rain City Superhero Movement and most notably, their leader, Phoenix Jones, wins the nod as this week's cockbag.

Phoenix Jones, nice light, cockbag

The Rain City Superhero Movement, or RCSM for short, is a group of ten misguided youths, that dress up in costumes and patrol the streets of Seattle every night, with the hopes of stopping evil doers from terrorizing it's population.  With names like Red Dragon and Thunder 88, they take to the streets, armed not with super strength, nor blades protruding from their knuckles, but with stun guns and pepper spray.  Crime has no chance, as long as criminals don't carry guns.  Instead of joining the police academy or signing up for community watch, they choose to dress like Mortal Kombat characters, and put their "super" noses where they don't belong.  On further investigation, I found that there are believed to be more than 200 of these supers in action across the USA.  Go to www.reallifesuperheroes.org for a database of these crazies, there are some great pictures and hours of laughs.  Maybe their hearts are in the right place, but their brains are definitely not.

The super couple, Scorpion and Milenna

RCSM's leader, Phoenix "Guardian of Seattle" Jones, has made it in the news this past week by squirting his super pepper spray into a group of party goers this past Sunday evening.  He claimed he was trying to break up a fight, but Jones was soon after arrested and brought to jail.  The police claim that the group he sprayed was just having a good time.  (I don't remember Batman ever getting arrested)  In a post-arraignment press conference, Jones unmasked and was identified as Benjamin Fodor.  It turns out that he is married to another self-proclaimed hero, Purplereign.  I bet their kids will be deadly with a can of mace.  Fighting crime as a family?  Maybe not, but dressing up for for Halloween is probably a breeze at the Fodor household.  They should leave the crime fighting to the police and focus on taking care of their kids before they are turned to orphans.

My costume will be something like this

It's time for me to go. I've got beer to to drink and my own super suit to make.  The streets of NC will be as safe as ever once Fatman breaks into the crime fighting business.  I would like to thank the RCSM for the laughs but ask them to remember that a Heroic cockbag is still a cockbag nonetheless.

Later Fools,
Zac
www.mangledmind.com

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