mangledmind

Cockbag of the Week: What a bunch of monkey crotches

2011-11-18T18:46:00.000-08:00

Cockbag central

Can it be, you say? Can a country itself become a cockbag?

Absolutely. Because if it were up to Pakistan, this thing we call "Cockbag of the Week" would cease to exist.

You see, Pakistan just released a list of words that it considers banned.

I'm not sure if cockbag makes an appearance, but I can't imagine it would pass freely through the Pakistani filter.

But, can you really ban a word out of existence? Of course not, but that's not stopping the Pakistani government from trying.

What they can do is make sure these words do not show up in text messages and other forms of communication popular with today's youth.

Some of these words they deem as obsene: Jesus Christ (really?), devil, flatulence, period, harder, queer, intercourse, athletes foot, condom, monkey crotch, and Wu Tang. for a full list click here

The Hip Hop scene in Islamabad will never be the same

Wait, Wu Tang? Yes, Wu Tang. So if cash rules everything around you, you may be shit out of luck.

If only Pakistan had a clause in their own constitution that protected speech. Wait ... they do?

Yup, Article 14 of the Pakistan Constitution states "every citizen shall have the right to freedom of speech and expression. ... subject to any reasonable restrictions imposed by law in the interest of the glory of Islam."

Oh, and words can't infringe on the "integrity," "decency" or "morality" of Pakistan. You mean the same Pakistan that may or may not have harbored Osama bin Laden for a few years? Yeah, we don't want to tarnish that good name of yours.

Pakistani Primates can no longer make dick jokes

So, yes and no it seems.

In Pakistan's case, you have this unalienable right, solid as stone, unflinching, unbreakable ... except when it's inconvenient.

That's not how it works, Pakistan.

This isn't the first time that this so-called freedom has been chipped away. In May 2010, Pakistan placed similar restrictions on Facebook and other corners of the Internet.

Let me level with you, Pakistan. The more you "ban" words, the more kids are going to want use them. The more you oppress people, the more they will revolt.

So, I will continue to exercise this wonderful thing we call free speech, and just because I may not like some of the disgusting words I hear every day ... like Santorum ... that doesn't mean that I want them banned. I think some old fart said something like that at some point.

In closing, Pakistan, I have one more thing to say to you: monkey crotch.

-Wes

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Herman Cain: Cockbag supreme with extra mushrooms

2011-10-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

If you've been following the news, you've no doubt heard of Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 tax plan proposal.

cockbag

There's a lot to like about Cain. He's a self-made man, who came from dirt-poor beginnings to become CEO of Godfather's Pizza. It's a true rags-to-riches story.

He's also pretty funny at times. Sometimes it's not clear if he means to be, though. At a speech in August he ended by saying, "A poet once said, 'life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it's never easy when there's so much on the line." Problem is that line didn't come from a poet, or Donna Summers as some suggested. It was from "Pokemon," the popular, annoying cartoon that makes kids spend all their parents money.

But what he's getting most attention for these days, is his 9-9-9 plan to reset the tax code.

OK, resetting tax code is a great idea. Resetting it to benefit mostly your rich friends: Not so cool, Herman.

Slingin' pepperoni and running countries

Here's how it would work.

Cain’s 9-9-9 plan eliminates the existing tax code and replaces it with a 9% tax on personal income, a 9% business tax, and a 9% national sales tax. Under his plan there is no estate tax, no payroll tax, no tax on capital gains, no death tax, and no deductions, except for charitable contributions.

So what does that mean? Well, everyone is equal, right?

No, look at that last line. Who does that benefit the most? It's probably not you.

Analysis after analysis has shown that the 9-9-9 plan will do more to alleviate tax burden on the rich than on the poor. It will be better for large corporations while shunning small business. One of the big reasons why? Corporations, whether they are people or not, don't buy groceries, they don't buy gas, they don't buy clothes for little Billy and Suzie going back to school. People do. You do. Not corporations. And the poorest person has to buy just as much gas, probably more, as Joe Wall Street. A larger proportion of what poorer people make will end up back in the government's pockets because we all have to buy these goods. So even right down to individuals, the balance is way off.

On Friday, Cain while speaking to a crowd in Detroit, suggested a couple of changes to his 9-9-9 plan, one that would give businesses operating in "opportunity zones" breaks and exemptions for people living below the poverty line. But you can't just pander to a a crowd in Detroit one day and tell the rest of the world something else two days before. Is he going to go to Iowa next and tell people about the great corn-growing exemption?

Taxes will go up, but pizza will be tax deductable

What no one is saying, though, is that this plan is a job killer.

Cain has pointed out that used items will not be taxed. So, I ask, why buy new?

Why are American businesses going to hire new people, to make new products that people aren't buying because the taxes are so much higher when they can go get something similar on eBay.

* If Cain gains the GOP nod for president, by the way, I am buying stock in eBay. And I'm not kidding. I looked it up, only $32 share right now. Maybe I can become a rich person and rant about myself one day. I suggest you do the same.

The fact is, Cain knows his plan benefits the rich and shuns the poor, and he's still pushing it, just showing that as president he'll do anything he can to retain his share of the financial pizza pie, all the while handing you a big slice that says "FU!"

-Wes

www.mangledmind.com

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Phoenix Jones and the Rain City Superzero Movement

2011-10-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

Role Models? I hope not

We have all seen them, and come to love them. I'm talking about superhero movies. There is nothing like watching the X-men thwart an evildoers scheme to destroy the human race, or seeing Superman save the planet on the silver screen. No matter how amazing these movies get, it inspires hordes of impressionable kids to somehow believe they can fight crime. For this week's Cockbag of the Week, we have chose a group of these "real life superheroes" based out of Seattle, The Rain City Superhero Movement and most notably, their leader, Phoenix Jones, wins the nod as this week's cockbag.

Phoenix Jones, nice light, cockbag

The Rain City Superhero Movement, or RCSM for short, is a group of ten misguided youths, that dress up in costumes and patrol the streets of Seattle every night, with the hopes of stopping evil doers from terrorizing it's population. With names like Red Dragon and Thunder 88, they take to the streets, armed not with super strength, nor blades protruding from their knuckles, but with stun guns and pepper spray. Crime has no chance, as long as criminals don't carry guns. Instead of joining the police academy or signing up for community watch, they choose to dress like Mortal Kombat characters, and put their "super" noses where they don't belong. On further investigation, I found that there are believed to be more than 200 of these supers in action across the USA. Go to www.reallifesuperheroes.org for a database of these crazies, there are some great pictures and hours of laughs. Maybe their hearts are in the right place, but their brains are definitely not.

The super couple, Scorpion and Milenna

RCSM's leader, Phoenix "Guardian of Seattle" Jones, has made it in the news this past week by squirting his super pepper spray into a group of party goers this past Sunday evening. He claimed he was trying to break up a fight, but Jones was soon after arrested and brought to jail. The police claim that the group he sprayed was just having a good time. (I don't remember Batman ever getting arrested) In a post-arraignment press conference, Jones unmasked and was identified as Benjamin Fodor. It turns out that he is married to another self-proclaimed hero, Purplereign. I bet their kids will be deadly with a can of mace. Fighting crime as a family? Maybe not, but dressing up for for Halloween is probably a breeze at the Fodor household. They should leave the crime fighting to the police and focus on taking care of their kids before they are turned to orphans.

My costume will be something like this

It's time for me to go. I've got beer to to drink and my own super suit to make. The streets of NC will be as safe as ever once Fatman breaks into the crime fighting business. I would like to thank the RCSM for the laughs but ask them to remember that a Heroic cockbag is still a cockbag nonetheless.

Later Fools,
Zac
www.mangledmind.com

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The cockinator: Arnold Schwarzenegger

2011-10-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

We all have egos. I know mine can get out of hand sometimes. But if I opened a museum dedicated to myself today and placed in front a large bronze statue with an overemphasized ... ahem, package that I myself had commissioned, well I'd only be the second person to do so. Arnold "The Ex-Governorator" Schwarzenegger was on hand for a blustery morning dedication of his museum to himself at this boyhood home in Austria.

Look at those ... ... ... veins

Perhaps for the same reason Germans hold David Hasselhoff to a higher stature, Austrians claim Schwarzenegger as their favorite son, their most famous of celebrities. But, frankly after Adolf, most anybody would do.

To his credit, Arnold has made the most of his humble beginnings and body-building roots. If you've watched much footage of Arnold, he will tell you that very fact ... multiple times. Back then in Austria, who would have thought he would one day grope women of all cultures on all continents of the world? Amazing story, really.

That's why if you visit this mecca of all things Arnold you'll find life-sized "Terminator" models, the desk he sat behind as California's governor (because we all know how successful that little venture was) and even his first barbell. Among the stranger items are the many pictures of Maria Shriver. You know, that's his soon-to-be ex-wife to whom he owes his entire political career, who's leaving him after it was found out that he got the maid pregnant?

This is important because Arnold is billing this museum as an inspiration for young people.

In his defense, I'm guessing the Shriver photos took the place of the "Jingle All the Way" memorabilia. A little infidelity still isn't as bad as that crap of a movie.

Arnold is in fact numero uno

Another issue comes with the humble roots story. Arnold, that's a pretty nice house. I don't want to ruin the picture everyone has, but that's a decent pad even by today's standards.

Still, it's fair to say, he's come a long way.

"My personal success has less to do with millions of dollars or with the headlines in the media that are not always positive and also not with being clapped on the shoulder by Barack Obama and other world names," Schwarzenegger said. "Personal success is the result of determination, hard work and stubbornness."

"For me, this is not only a museum, It is also a symbol of will ... everyone has a chance."

It' a great message, but not about a great person. He's an OK guy, fallible as the rest of us, maybe even a little more so. He just had big muscles. And he was an entertaining action star. Who doesn't like Conan, for goodness sakes?

But to commission statues of yourself ... Oh, you caught that? That sneaky "s"? Yes, statues ... plural. The statue out front of the museum he is dedicating to himself, well the're not unique. There are several. Perhaps these statues have been sent back from the future to teach present-day humans of the coming triumphs of Arnold. No? He just bought them? Well, never mind.

And that goes to my point: How full of yourself do you really have to be?

If there's praise to be given, let it be by someone else. That's the way it works for the rest of the world.

But, Arnold, don't despair that you have no awards of note to fill your newly dedicated "me" museum. Take pride in being named this week's Cockbag of the Week. You've earned it, and I'm sure you'll be back.

- Wes

P.S. I still love "Last Action Hero"

For more images of that crap museum go to

http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/10/07/8205762-museum-to-myself-arnold-schwarzeneggers-childhood-home-dedicated

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Anwar al-Awalki- And another cockbag bites the dust

2011-09-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

cockbag

Early this morning, news sources reported than Muslim radical, Anwar al-Awalki, had been killed by a US drone strike in Yemen. Two predator drones fired hellfire missiles at a vehicle that al-Awalki was a passenger in. So for his role in making the security lines at the airport ungodly ridiculous, Mr. Anwar al-Alaki, is the winner of this week's Cockbag of the week.

Before the CIA turned him into a fine pink mist, Al- Awalki was born in New Mexico in 1971, to a well educated family of Yemen descent. When he was seven, his family returned to Yemen, where he spent the rest of his childhood years. The US would would not see him again until 1991, when he returned to Colorado for a college education. (I'm guessing the University of Yemen is not a highly regarded school) During his college years, he spent his summers training with the Afghan Mujahideen. June through August he was a terrorist trainee, then it was back to the states for tailgates and beer bongs. In 1994, he married his cousin, and became an Imam at a local mosque where he preached against sin, then, in 1996 and 1997 he was arrested twice for soliciting prostitution. I'm no expert, but I don't think the Koran condones buying hookers. He quickly became a prominent spiritual leader for suicide bombers everywhere, including many of the 9/11 attackers.

Bet he had one hell of a friend list

He soon secured a job at at a local charity, that was ran by Al-Qaeda leaders. They quickly saw his potential for being brainwashed, and his romance with jihad reached a whole new level. He was rapidly becoming a big target for the FBI, coupled with several immigration issues, al-Awalki moved to England, where he was soon up to his old tricks, preaching hate and violence everywhere he went.

Finally, in 2004, he decided to give up all of his modern luxuries, like power and running water, to return to his ancestral village in Yemen with his cousin, I mean wife. After a 18 month bid in a Yemen prison for a little kidnapping, he was released to become one of Al-Qaeda's biggest recruiters and motivators. He has been implicated in many attempted terror attack attempts. He used Western evils such as Youtube and Facebook to recruit. He has often been dubbed "the Bin-Laden of the Internet". In 2009 he was promoted "regional commander" within al-Qaeda, where he used his power to convince his fellow Muslims to commit jihad against the US. This is where he really screwed up. In April of 2010, our President approved the first targeted killing of a US citizen in history, which is when his fate was sealed. He ran to hide in his cave, but it would only be a matter of time.

He was a spiritual guide to some, but a traitor, a coward, and hypocrite to most. Now he's only good for fertilizer. So congrats to Mr. al-Awlaki for winning this week's Cockbag of the week.

-zac

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Floyd Mayweather Jr.: "Pretty Boy," "Money," "Cockbag."

2011-09-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

Million Dollar Baby

Add another moniker to one of the world's best boxer's name: Floyd "Cockbag" Mayweather.

There are two reasons for the name change, and the first stems from last Saturday's bout with Victor Ortiz. Mayweather ended up taking Ortiz' WBC welter weight belt in that match, but that's hardly what made the headlines.

Nearing the end of the fourth round, the fight that had been scored two rounds to one in favor of Mayweather on unofficial scorecards, Ortiz resorted to underhanded tactics and tried for a lunging headbutt on Mayweather. There's no doubt this is dirty boxing, and maybe Ortiz deserves cockback status of his own. But hear me out.

The referee, Joe Cortez, then stopped action to take a point deduction of Ortiz. During this time, Ortiz tried apologizing and appears to try to kiss Mayweather on the cheek. Mayweather would have nothing of it and I don't blame him. This is boxing, not a kissing contest.

Larry Mechant's kid??

But here's where things really turn south. Usually, after deducting a point the ref will address the score table and then ask the fighters to touch gloves and resume, keeping his full attention on the fighters. What appeared to happen Saturday night was that Cortez resumed the fight, and then, almost as if he forgot to tell the score table something, he turned away from the fighters to say something.

That gave Mayweahter a sneaky opening. He landed two undefended shots: one that seemed to be more testing the waters and the next meant for knockout. And that's what he got. There was enough confusion that many spectators didn't know the fight was back on. Ortiz certainly didn't.

Mayweather is right when he says that the first rule of boxing is to protect yourself at all times. Even if you don't follow boxing but have seen "Million Dollar Baby" you would know this.

But given Ortiz's actions earlier - the lunging headbutt, the attempted kiss - many would say it's justified. OK, let's assume it is and one cockbag behavior cancels out the other, what's to be made of what happened next?

In the post fight interview, 80-year-old boxing commentator Larry Merchant began to ask Mayweather about the controversial punch. To which Mayweather responded, "You never give me a fair shake. HBO needs to fire you. You don't know shit about boxing. You ain't shit"

The 80-year-old Merchant replied, "I wish I was 50 years younger and I'd kick your ass." Merchant responded.

Highly entertaining, to be sure. But this is the first lesson Mayweather never learned. Being champ has as much to do with your behavior out of the ring as in it. And his behavior was deplorable.

El Cockbag

The second reason is the one all boxing fans could probably see coming.

No one can stand toe to toe with Floyd Mayweather Jr., except for one man: Manny "Pac-Man" Pacquiao. And no one can stand toe to toe against Manny Pacquiao, except for Floyd Mayweather. They are both referred to as the pound-for-pound best fighters in the world. Yet for more than two years, they have pussy-footed around the possibility of fighting each other. They have reasons. Oh, they have reasons. But none of those reasons outweigh the potential this fight has for their legacies and for boxing. I'm not one of those "you owe it to the fans" fans. They don't owe us shit. But if they want their legacies cemented in stone, it's the fight they have to make happen. And now, not when they are geriatric. The winner of that fight would be heralded in the history of boxing, up there with names that will never be forgotten: Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Leonard, Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano and on and on.

But this is why Mayweather is a cockbag. He has become so enamored with the idea of his own legacy that he took a cheap shot against a much, much lesser opponent in order to protect it. He's also found ways to make sure he doesn't take a fight with the only person that can beat him. Mayweather's 42-0 perfect record is impressive, but being perfect isn't what made Ali "The Greatest." Ali lost plenty of times. Being the greatest means taking the fight that you may lose. It's questionable whether Mayweather has the balls to stand in the ring with Pacquiao. If he did, that fight would be in the works right now. But it's not..

-Wes

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In sickness and in health ... except for Alzheimer's

2011-09-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Pat Roberston, this is God. Please stop speaking in my name. You're a 'cockbag.' "

cockbag

Robertson, the ex-Baptist minister-turned TV evangelist best known these days as the face of "The 700 Club," has spouted off some real doozies in the past.

Among the more notable quotes from Robertson is when he said the earthquake that killed an estimated 316,000 in Haiti happened because, according to him,"Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil." Nevermind the fact that the religious makeup of Haiti is as follows: Roman Catholic 80%, Protestant 16% (Baptist 10%, Pentecostal 4%, Adventist 1%, other 1%), none 1%, other 3%. That is 96 percent Christian for those mathletes out there. Still, 50 percent of the population cling to some part of their voodoo past, and that is where he gets the fuel for his argument. But what about the 46 percent of Hatian Christians who don't practice Voodoo at all? Apparently those are just casualties of God's war. As for the percentage of Christians in the U.S.? That figure is closer to 76 percent give or take a point or two. But, 50 percent of those pray also to "American Idol." (I just made that up.)

Other assertions made by Robertson: Hurricane Katrina was God's way of letting liberals know that that questioning then-Supreme Court nominee John Roberts about his stance on abortion is off limits. He also called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez (which I don't really mind so much, but we're talking about a religious leader here). And he mentioned something about nuking our own state department.

But his comments on "The 700 Club" Tuesday take the cake. On the show, he told his audience that it's OK to divorce your wife if she has Alztheimers, because Alztheimers is "a kind of death."

Really, Pat? Really?

“I know it sounds cruel,” he continued, “but if [the husband of a wife suffering from Alzheimer's] is going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her because she is essentially already dead.”

Alztheimers is terrible, and the choices that have to be made by family members dealing with this terrible disease must be beyond comprehension. I wouldn't judge anyone in that situation. But we're talking about a religious leader who continually judges others of the world, who made his career bashing others with a baseball bat marked "sanctity of marriage."

In the past he said "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period."

And as for gays getting married: That will lead to the raping of angels. I am not making this stuff up.

But how "sact" is marriage when a spouse can be thrown away for being sick?

Imagine Robertson's revised version of Nicholas Sparks' "The Notebook." Ryan Gosling falls in love on screen with the beautiful Rachel McAdams. He kisses her in the rain "It wasn't over. It's still not over" The audience cries; wives cling tight to their hubbies. But, then the silver screen couple gets old, she gets sick. Now Ryan is free to go pick up all the retirement home trim his heart pills will cover him for.

I'm not sure that's an ending anyone would want to see, but for Robertson it's "understandable."

And for that reason, Mr. Robertson, I think even God would agree that you should be this installment's "Cockbag of the Week."

-Wes

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Cockbag of the week #1 Bin Laden and his band of cowards

2011-09-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

I bet that you can tell me exactly where you were on the morning of Sept. 11th, 2001. I was enlisted in the Marine Corps, and we were in Twenty Nine Palms, Calif, doing a demolitions excercise. Within hours of hearing what had happened, we were mobilized, and we were going to kick someone's ass. Not sure who, but someone was definitely going to get their ass kicked. At that particular time, we were called off, but those memories are forever etched in my head, as i'm sure yours are. It turned out to be one of the worst days that any of us will ever experience as Americans.

So for their supreme cowardice and unyeilding stupidity, our inaugural Cockbag of the Week is none other than Osama Bin Laden.

cockbag

Bin Laden was born into wealth in Saudi Arabia in 1957. Nothing was beyond his wealth. He could have had all the caves and camels that his heart desired, but instead he decided to use his riches to wreak havoc on the rest of the world. Commanding Al-Qaeda, Bin Laden and his band of clowns are responsible for the loss of thousands of innocent lives all around the world. He honestly believed that his god wanted him to kill everyone that did not share his beliefs ... jackass.

On that Sunday night this past May, when the president went on television and shared with the world that Bin Laden had been dispatched, the world breathed a sigh of relief. He caught two bullets in the face, and was then dumped in the ocean. So their prince of jihad was reduced to a pile of shark excrement at the bottom of the sea. I'm not sure how his 72 virgins are going to feel about the gaping holes in his face, so i'm pretty sure that he will have no virgins, and he will spend the rest of eternity getting gang raped by a band of well endowed demons. At least he helped to feed the fish. So R.I.P. Bin Laden (rest in pieces), you cockbag.

Check us out next Friday for our next installment of Cockbag of the Week.

Thanks for reading,

Zac

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"Labor" day

2011-09-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

It's somewhat ironic that we celebrate Labor Day by taking a day off. Don't get me wrong, any day away from the normal grind of everyday life is welcomed, so I am not complaining.

This past week, we went to Washington DC and Virginia Beach and set up a booth at the Rockstar Uproar Festival. It was truly a blast, we met some pretty amazing people and got to sell some shirts at the same time, an all around success. Not to mention that we got to hear some amazing music while we were "working". I use the term working very loosely.

Zac and Zakk

We met a new friend, Dave, who runs a company called Heathen Productions. He has been making his clothes and touring for a long time. I was extremely suprised at how eager he was to offer advice to us, I've found that most of these people at these festivals are very secretive about their methods. I would like to say thanks to Dave and wish him luck on the rest of the tour. If you like shirts that you can't wear to church, you should go check him out on facebook or at www.heathenproductions.com. We also got to meet alot of the bands. Gabe and Zakk from Black Tide came over and talked to us for a while. It's hard to believe these guys are so young. Their music is great, you should go listen to it. They will never come within 500 miles of me and not have me at their show. I gotta watch my wife around them, she has a crush.

Gabe and Etsuko

This coming weekend we have the first of six shows we have scheduled in the downtown Raleigh Ampitheatre. These shows are part of The Bud Light City Fest and will feature well known bands, but tickets are only five Bucks. Sept 10th and 17th, and all four Saturdays in October, we will be set up there, Most of my friends have no excuse for not coming and seeing at least one of these. You can find more info at www.budlightcityfest.com.

Thank you for taking the time to come here and read this garbage, and if you are in the area, please come drink a beer with me in Raleigh.
Later guys ,
Zac

Boobies

2011-07-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

The title has nothing to do with the post, I just like boobies. I long ago realized that I am an idiot. I think that being able to admit this has always been one of my better qualities. The best thing about possessing this skill is that it gives me a lot more opportunities to pull my head out of my ass and learn from my mistakes. Well it turns out that driving traffic to a website is not as easy as it looks. Over the past several months I have spent countless hours reading and trying new techniques, trying to drive traffic to our site. Once again, I have realized that maybe I have been going about this all wrong. Last night, my wife and I decided to try something new. I got Wes to design us a flyer, and we got several hundred printed out. We went to the local college campus and put fliers up wherever we could. Bulletin boards, bus stops, stores, we pasted our flyers everywhere. Just something else to try... hope it has some success, time will tell. It was kind of fun, we got to get out and see some stuff, and maybe get a few more eyes on our shirts.

We have a couple more events lined up. We will have a booth set up at Rock the Block in Winston Salem. This is a battle of the bands, and there will be skateboard and BMX trick shows. Should be fun, this takes place on September17th in downtown Winston Salem. We also got a spot on the Uproar festival in Virginia Beach on Sept. 1st. Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace, Bullet for my Valentine, and many more. We are extremely excited about this one, should be great.

Another thing that I have started to get into is making a t shirt cannon. This is really fun, I like making stuff, and I like shooting shit, so this is a match made in heaven. I will post some pictures when I finally finish it, take for granted that it does not blow up in my face. But I also really like scars, so it's kind of a win-win situation. It's getting time for me to get off of the computer and to go do something productive, like go get a beer. So until next time, be well and have a great week, I will commit more ramblings to paper next weekend.

later,
zac
www.mangledmind.com

adventures

2011-06-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. This week has been a very interesting one. As you have read, we set up a booth at the Texas Pete Ribfest last weekend. A couple of days after the ribfest, there was a lady that left a comment on our website. This is what the comment read:

"Dear Sirs, I saw your booth this weekend at The ribfest, and I was appalled. As I strong black woman, I felt that most of your shirts had racist undertones. I will tell all of my friends and family about your site and tell them not to visit. The man in the booth was very friendly, but shirts like these should not me allowed. Cheryl M"

This comment was copied and pasted, so don't call me a dumbass, the typos are not mine. We always knew that there was going to be a time when we would start getting stuff like this, but we never expected it would be so soon. In a weird sadistic way, when I read this it I could not help but view it as some measure of success. All of the designs that we come up with are meant to be funny, I guess that not all people share the same sense of humor we do. The fact that the lady was willing to track us down and take the time to leave this comment is pretty funny. We welcome all criticism, both good and bad.

Our good friend Brian shared something he made with us last weekend, It is one of the coolest things I've seen in a long time. Hopefully, soon, I can coax him into making some more for us to sell on our site. Can't say what it is, but it is going to make drinking beer much more convenient. Brian is a very manly dude, I did not know he could use a sewing machine. He continues to amaze. By the way, Happy 1st Fathers day to Brian and Pete.

In our continued search for venues to spread our disease to, we have found a few that we are applying for. We found a moonshine festival, a heavy metal festival, a battle of the bands, and a Oktoberfest celebration. The one thing in common: Beer. We will supply more information as it is received. If you have any suggestions on places to go, please let me know. On that note, hope everyone has a good week.
Happy Father's Day,
zac

expectations

2011-06-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

Well our first Event, the Ribfest in Winston Salem, is in the books. We managed to sell a few shirts, my expectations for the event was probably too high. I did'nt make my first million this weekend, but I met a bunch of great people and got to see some of my closest friends. The event was little more than an organized block party, but we had a great time. It rained every day except for Thursday, and that was the day everyone was at work. Got a chance to spend all day on Thursday with my little brother, I don't do that enough, it was great. Had some great friends come out. On Friday, my good friend Ray Ray and his beautiful wife, Ashley came out and saved my ass. They watched the booth for us so I could attend my sister's graduation. Afterwards, we hung out and had a great time, hate we did not take pictures, I guess I'm just a dummy . On Saturday, good buddies David and Brian spent the whole day with us. Separated, we can not drink, but when our powers combine, we turn into superheroes trying to rid the world of beer. More friends, Pete, Suzanne, and sweet little Lillie came and hang out for a while. Love you, Pete, but you married way out of your league. We'll have some pics on the website soon. Later on, two of the loveliest women I know, Heather and Kim, came out with little miss Riley and hung out for a while. Just want to say thank you for coming out and supporting us. As for our new friends, Mona, Kayla, Nichole, Glenn, Charlotte and Josh: Thank you for making our first festival a pleasant experience. It's funny how a little bit of food, drink, and beer will bring people together. We lost money, but gained memories and friends. Good trade if you ask me. So in closing, Thanks to everyone that came to see us, not sure what kind of show we will do next, but I hope it is soon, and I am open to any suggestions. Well guys and gals, have a great week and I'll be sure to have something else stupid to share soon.
Later,
Zac
www.mangledmind.com

Trial and Error

2011-06-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

At first thought, I was pictured going to our first festival was going to be a breeze. After this weekend, I have had to take a step back and re-evalute the situation. Mangled Mind has it's first date this coming weekend with the Texas Pete Ribfest in Winston Salem, NC. And no, we are not dating some dude named Pete, but we are going to set up a tent and sell some shirts. The thoughts that were running through my mind were telling me things like it is going to be fun and it is going to be easy. Yesterday, my wife and I went out into the yard and decided to set up a mock display so we would be prepared for the upcoming festivities. Turns out that setting something like this up is not a quick process. We must have went through ten different ways of displaying shirts before we found the one we fell in love with. It was definately hard work, but we both enjoyed it. This just reassures me that we have found something we love and we just have to make it work. I think that what we have come up with is pretty cool, and I would love to hear anything that anyone has to say. You can access our Facebook page to the right of this post, it contains a picture of our display. To all of you who read this and can make it to the Ribfest, I beg that you come to our tent and have a beer with me. Beer is on me. Ours will be the one with the Mangled Mind logo, and the fat bastard under the tent. So if you get a chance, come see me. If you hate us, please cheer for our failure, and if you support us, please wish us luck. I will let you know how it turned out next week.
Thanks for the few minutes of your life,
zac
www.mangledmind.com

Once and Always

2011-05-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

From the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli. Chances are, if you know what this is, you are one of my brothers in arms. In the four years I spent in the greatest fighting force the world has ever seen, I had the chance to share blood, sweat, tears, and beers with some of the finest individuals that you could ever hope to know. Some of these men gave the ultimate sacrifice for your freedom and mine. Not just my Marines, but for anyone who has served, there is a certain place in each serviceman's heart for their comrades and their country. As Memorial day weekend approaches, know that it's not about a three day weekend, nor is it just another holiday to get some free holiday pay from work. This holiday is a time to stop and reflect on the ones that are no longer with us, and to give thanks for the lives that we are able to lead because of their heroic actions. Without the men and women of the US Armed Forces, you might have been born a slave, or you might would have to stand in a line to get a loaf of bread. So, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. No matter your religion, your political views, your race, your sex, or your heritage, if you are an American, you will forever be indebted to these men and women. So, take the time this weekend to enjoy your freedom, and remember why you have it, play the Star Spangled Banner just to feel the chills run down your spine, and if you think you have it rough, think of that 18 year old kid in a foreign land dodging bullets and bleeding for your freedom. And to the Marines I know, and the ones I don't: I sincerely love and miss every single one of you degenerates. Enjoy your time off with the ones you love, have a good weekend.
Semper Fi,
Zac Harward
www.mangledmind.com

Post Apocolypse: Day 1

2011-05-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning, head pounding, back aching, and a children's television show blaring in the background. I ask myself if this is the kind of hell we must endure living as one of the left behind? I roll over to see my wife sleeping soundly, this is no shock to me, I never doubted she would be left behind, because of her inherently evil ways. I fix my coffee and go outside. No fire, no brimstone, just sun shining and birds chirping. I guess we were all left behind. I am a little dissapointed, I thought that I would for sure be killing zombies by now, but I have not spotted a single one. However, I will remain vigilant, ready to pounce on any undead that is intent on consuming my flesh. All jokes aside, Harold Camping really messed this one up. I read that he spent 117 million dollars of his own fortune advertising this so called end. Worse than that, he convinced millions of gullible people that don't have the money he does, to blow their life savings to do the same. Camping is 89 years old, his time on earth is numbered, but to cause mass hysteria such as he has is unforgivable. There are many low income families across the US that have ruined their finacial future because of this guy, I read reports of families not letting their kids leave the house this weekend, because Camping had convinced them of the forthcoming rapture. Camping and his company, www.familyradio.com, are nothing more than another radical religious sect that has terrorized our great country. I hope that you were lucky enough not to drink Camping's tainted Kool-Aid, me, I never liked Kool-Aid, and i'm going to wait this apocolypse out with a cold beer in my hand. So until next time, be prepared for zombies, be with the ones you love, and remember that beer beats Kool-Aid every time,
zac
www.mangledmind.com

Apocolypse Now

2011-05-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well, seeing how the world is supposed to end tommorrow, I wanted to take the time to share a few thoughts and feelings. Apparently the rapture is supposed to start at 6:00 pm tommorrow evening, according to Harold Camping. Camping is the one who has prognosticated this impending end of the world, spattering our countryside will billboards and signs, from California to North Carolina. I guess he is a twenty-first century Nostradamus of sorts. When asked if we were going to die on eastern standard or pacific time, Camping's website states that it will happen at 6:00 pm everywhere. God is going to let everyone enjoy one last half a day. This means that it will all go down starting in the middle of the Pacific ocean and moving its way east. Pretty fucked up that Iraq and Pakistan gets to live longer than me, because I would love to witness their demise on CNN. Oh well, maybe in another life. Sitting here staring at the clock, I realize I have less than 28 remaining hours, and I just bought a new case of beer, got work to do. So remember, spend time with the ones you love tonight, and make sure to have your steaks done tommorrow by 5:30. (Because it would piss me off if I were to die while they were still cooking.).So until next week,
zac

Going Forward

2011-05-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a couple of years ago, my best friend and I were sitting around shooting the shit. As always, our conversation would have made any normal eavesdropper think that we should be committed immediately. In the midst of talking like a couple of pre pubescent kids, full of fart jokes and curses, we decided that we could actually make money by putting some of this immature content on a t shirt and selling it. Being the procrastonators we are, it took many months before we actually took action on this. Today marks what we call the grand opening of our grand scheme. I'm sure there will be some growing pains and some roadblocks along the way, but we have both decided that this is what we want to do for a living, and will do anything to make this a reality. Please visit www.mangledmind.com and see what we have come with. Like or dislike, please let us know what you think. On that note, as the last drop of Coors Light enters my stomach, I leave you until next time.
hopefully sooner than later,
zac